Today, whilst I was sleeping off a night shift something alarming appeared in the house. I awoke, bleary eyed and ambled into the kitchen to find …….. A pack of nappies . [Dun Dun Duuuuuh]
I sort of knew they were an inevitable part of my future, but still, just like the washing line of teeny weeny clothes, it made me realise He’s coming! He’s coming and He’s bringing poo!
The number of brands on the supermarket shelves is surprising. Breeders who are a bit further down the line are often heard avidly discussing the virtues of the different brands. Hearing friends proudly proclaim “Lucy is a Huggies Girl” is also odd. Listening to people who would previously get into lengthy informed debates about Mac vs PC doing exactly the same with Huggies vs Tresures is even stranger. These Nappy brands have loyal and devoted followings! The cloth-nappy guys are so loyal and outspoken they almost seem like a cult! The cult of Clothulu!
Other than the earth-saving eco-warrior cloth efforts, how different can they be? They all have pseudo-scientific descriptions with pictures of various incarnations of “stay dry panels” which seem remarkably good at absorbing blue water. Presumably the blue-water-peeing babies are the same ones that grow up to bleed blue in the bodyform ads.
As one would expect of a Nerd-Dad I have spend an inappropriate amount of time reading these packets, I conclude that …. I have no idea!
No mention of nappies is complete without a forray into the weird phenomenon of the poo-one-upmanship story. You know the ones new parents tell so gleefully that go “…… and then it leaked all down my arm and I had to change my shirt because I was rushing out to …….” Then someone else will regale us of the way their darling managed to get poo on the curtains, and before you know it the lunchtime conversation has degenerated into “my child’s poo was flung further than yours” and there is poo on clothes, carpets, curtains, ceilings…… Then children actively rubbing poo in places is raised and that’s when I politely take my leave and walk back to clinic where I am paid to discuss other people’s poo.