What do you mean you mean you AREN’T interested in my revolting offspring?

One thing I am struggling with in this new-parent role is keeping a perspective on life. It is sometimes very difficult to remember that my little sprog isn’t anything special, he isn’t newsworthy and the whole world doesn’t need to know about his every erucation and defecation. Infact, this blog itself is a symptom of my inability to keep quiet about The Boy. In my defence I have tried to keep bodily function news to a minimum ‘cos it’s gross and unimaginative (although gross and unimaginative are both words one could use to describe me at my most boorish) but I do have a tendency to go on a bit.

I’m afraid you guys, my lovely readers, are fair game. You are daft enough to log on and actually look at the rubbish I proudly write about The Boy.

So far, in 6 weeks I have managed to keep somewhat of a lid on things. There are only 7 photos of The Boy on Facebook uploaded to my account. There are considerably more uploaded by friends and family but I am only responsible for 7. I suspect however UnBabyMe may get a few new customers thanks to our new arrival.
Actually I have never minded baby photos – I get irritated by the self congratulatory “I just ran soooooooo far soooooo quickly and here is the GPS via Nike and Umbro and Sepcialized bikes and my $400 trainers to prove it”. Your kids and cute and interesting, YOUR RUNS ARE NOT. There is a reason joggers run alone IT’S BORING AND NOBODY WANTS TO GO WITH YOU! When  you win a medal fine, let the world know.
I tried it myself the other day. According to the Nike App it was 10m to my fridge, I went there and back in 3 minutes (I think I stopped to say “hello” to the budgies on the way) and on the return journey I was carrying over 500g of extra weight (a beer). I am not sure this exercise run-mapping thing suits me. I think I’ll stick to cuddling The Boy on the sofa for now, waxing lyrical about how awesome my child is to all who read my drivel.


Filed under Baby, Dads, fatherhood, nonsense, Uncategorized

10 responses to “What do you mean you mean you AREN’T interested in my revolting offspring?

  1. As a new parent myself, I can totally sympathize with the desire to share share SHARE. I was talking on the phone to an old friend the other day and I was telling her how the baby has been making a funny sound when she knows something is gross or dirty, and my friend prompted me to tell her the point of my sharing this. Much to her chagrin, I had to just tell her that that’s the story: she makes funny sounds. The end.

  2. Teacher2mum

    Love it! Glad someone has finally acknowledged the running thing is NOT the least bit interesting! I know people who do this on Facebook – persistently! Talking about our offspring AND posting cute photos is way more intriguing. I once thought there was a limit to discussing the bodily function thing but no longer – if I didn’t make jokes and laugh about this aspect of parenting, it would have me rocking in the foetal position.

  3. Too much running can lead to untimely defication. No thank you.

  4. kevinjeddy

    Leave my Specialized bike alone. It probably costs more than your baby to keep in perfect condition.

  5. Nothing wrong with bikes, bikes are cool. Endless posts of exercise stats on the other hand ……… not my thing…….. admittedly not something you are guilty of.

    Actually I saw a really good blog about the Tour De France? It’s quite new. You might like it 🙂


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