I have decided, as one of my planned (many) great legacies for mankind that I will start a repository of the amazing and diverse songs sung to their children by parents. I don’t mean the dross like Twinkle Twinkle Little Star or other dull lullabies. Puff the Magic Dragon can … Puff off back to the cave he hides in at the end of his song. I mean the parental masterpieces that emerge out of that weird mixture of excitement, fatigue, love, sleep depravation, and sheer frustration. Those songs that are sung at 3am to a wriggly person with a full nappy; partly to amuse the wriggler but mainly to amuse yourself. The silly songs that you never expect people to hear, not for public performance. These songs and rhymes come from nowhere and go back to nowhere, but blogosphere, I tell you no longer! They will now live forever, preserved in my repository of this cultural phenomenon! The NDPSPP (Nerd Dad Parental Song Preservation Project) pronounced….. um…. Nud-Pus Puh-Puh (I suppose).
Our pre-parenthood selves had previously noticed these daft songs, friends of ours have a piece called “Yum yum yum in your tum tum tum” which it is traditional to sing shortly after eating. On our first hearing this, which in retrospect is a true masterpiece, The Wife and I initially exchanged partly startled and partly pitying glances. Now we are composers in our own right, artists on our first forray into the wide and varied world of nonsense baby songs.
I have decided to follow in the footsteps of greats like Vaughan Williams who collected old English folk songs and Dvorak who incorporated Bohemian folk music into many of his pieces. I will soon take my rightful place amongst these cultural titans as the saviour of nonsense baby songs.
There are many unanswered questions I suppose. So why am I so selflessly toiling to preserve these rare cultural gems of music and poetry? What is driving my altruistic fervor? How can one man be such a visionary, still find time to change nappies and remain so amazingly, incredibly modest?
The inspiration for this grand cultural endeavour comes from K.L Huyghebaert’s masterpiece “Squidgy Squidgy Fish Feet” that I fortuitously encountered whilst perusing her blog, highly recommended. This piece is somewhat less abusive than my own compositions and is a classic of the genre.
SQUIDGY SQUIDGY FISH FEET
Squidgy squidgy fish feet,
On my Jonah a-sweet-treat!
In the company of such an accomplished practitioner of the art of nonsense baby songs may I also humbly present the first few songs of ours to be preserved?-
STINKY BUTT
Stinky butt, stinky butt
You got a stinky, stinky butt.
Stinky butt, stinky butt
You are really stinky Butt
SNOOOOOZLES
Snooooozles, time for snoooooozles.
Snooooozles, time for snoooooozles.
MILKY CHOPS
Milky Chops, Milky Chops
You have milky milky Chops
Milky Chops, Milky Chops
Milkymilkymilkymilkymilky chops.
LITTLE MONKEY
Go to sleep Little Monkey
Though you smell a little funky
Off now to the Land of Nod
GO TO SLEEP YOU LITTLE SOD
Public performance rights are available on all these on application for a moderate-to-hefty fee.
For this important cultural endeavour I have secured several thoudsand terabytes of space in top secret servers in a nuclear blast proof bunker to ensure these cultural tours-de-forces are available for future generations.
I eagerly await your contributions to the NDPSPP.
A Dad's Guide To Growing A Nerd 
I sing “99 Problems” to Squatch with some slightly changed lyrics.
You got diaper rash problems,
I feel bad for you son.
I got 99 problems
But an itch ain’t one.
It’s an instant classic.
Ah! That classic by Bay-B! As they say here in NZ – That is fully awesome Bro! Choice!
This is awesome, Nerd Dad will no doubt be “singing” this one to the boy in the near future!
Um.. ‘little monkey’ is so flipping awesome, I have officially stolen it. A-thank-you. Every time I hear “Sod” I think “Sod off” and that gets me thinking about Blackadder and then everything is A-ok. Love this!